


The Love We Share

by AikoIsari



Series: Lotus Petals [4]
Category: Digimon - All Media Types, Digimon World Series
Genre: Alternate Universe - Race Changes, Childbirth, Death in Childbirth, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, Multi, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-06-05 16:13:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6712093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AikoIsari/pseuds/AikoIsari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taiga has no idea when he took that first step. He just knows that now he can't stop. Alternate ending to Abstracts</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Skyward

Love can make a person fly.

It's a sappy thought, and Taiga's proud of it, if he's going to be honest. It's the thought he's had since meeting Mirei and he's stuck with it come hell or high water because she is probably the brightest thing he's ever seen. Not that he's quite sure how because she is so awkward and uncomfortable with people. Part of her charm, maybe?

He doesn't know, but sometime the fairy tales are accurate, if they can't be true. Romance has never been his thing until now but the feeling almost makes him pick up one of those books, if only to laugh and say love is nothing like this.

It's so much deeper.

The urge to see her is almost stifling. So he follows it.

He can't stop walking until he's running. And then he's crying.

He doesn't know why.

* * *

He remembers that first moment so clearly, it's like an overlap, seeing a little girl on a battlefield with blood in her hair and eyes wild. All of her emotions were laid bare. Her nails were sharp and her tiny form ran past the current one, the lost-looking (because she's not a piece of paper ready to be written on, she's a lost person who found him and who gives a shit how sappy that is) one with her computer held protectively to her chest because it's one of the few 'things' she has left for herself.

He remembers just watching her, forgetting time existed because she was right there, looking at something he couldn't see.. and being lonely.

He remembers deciding she would never be lonely again if he had anything to say about it. And he did.

* * *

They can't find her.

He calls the others and though they aren't as frantic they are worried and it doesn't matter because they can't find her. He thinks of the only time they went to the zoo and he had lost her because she had been entranced by the butterflies and had found her stock-still because they were all landing on her arms. It had been funny then, after his heart had slowed down.

It wasn't funny now. He couldn't breathe.

His mother hadn't seen her, not in hours and there had been a very odd, sad look on her face since the night before. Taiga had wanted to ask but he couldn't. His throat was too closed off.

He just focuses on searching, on looking. His V-Pet beeps rhythmically, to the point of nearly exasperation. Taiga ignores it and ignores it. Not now, Digimaru. Not now. This is reality too. She is real. He needs to find her.

* * *

He remembers the last time she was alive.

Well, it wasn't the last because that is sentimental and cruel to her but he remembers their first real moments alone. They were clumsy, clumsy and it was awful but she was laughing then, laughing so much that her cheeks turned red under the darkness of her skin and he didn't care. And they had time to practice, and they had. All the research in the world hadn't made much difference because experience is a teacher like any other.

Some nights they had just fallen asleep with each other, the winter outside nonexistent beneath bed covers and silly stories. Other nights they didn't sleep at all, like that first one where she found purchase with a tree and he had realized he had never seen her look so alive.

Sometimes, Mirei had looked so tired even after a good long rest, and even when he had pointed it out she hadn't seemed to notice. At most she would be surprised. Then Yuuya would tell him later she was asleep next to his desk on the floor, arms around her computer. It would be adorable if it wasn't disconcerting, especially with how long it took to wake her up.

He can't stop running because there's nowhere to stop running at, no finish line. They had stopped the vitium and defeated the Demon Lords so there should have been a happy ending it should have been over so why is it everything feels very much like they never left that place?

Why can't it all just be over?

Maybe it is now, his mind whispers, the damn traitor, and Taiga runs.

* * *

He doesn't look where he's going. If he pays attention, he's going to have to think and thinking is overrated when the person you love is in possible peril and doesn't really work either. Wherever he is, it's soft and wooded and Niko has tried to stop him from going in at least three times on his own and has failed. And now he's lost and no closer to finding Mirei than he had ever been except for the fact that the sun is setting and all he can think of is that her hair makes him think of the dusk sky.

He follows the sun, blindly of course, because you're not supposed to look.

Taiga's ears catch something and it is soft at first. But that may just be because of distance. It is faint, sniffles and sobs from what seem like freshly created lungs.

Taiga almost stop running. It could be a distraction. It could not be Mirei at all.

Then the sobbing comes alive again, so much quieter.

He goes and his shoes crunch on fallen, dead leaves and he almost slips in the mud. He can't move forward. Time has frozen as the leaves keep falling but there it is.

It. He doesn't know what the gender is (or if the fellow even has one.) but he can only walk closer, mind stuttering to a half like a careening train.

There's a baby here. Abandoned maybe? It's crying loud enough to be. For some reason that he doesn't really understand, he shudders.

The wind seems to move too slowly, the air is thick like someone bled through it and he has no clue how to handle this. He keeps walking until the baby is visible. And so is what it's laying on.

He kneels down to the wailing child, sees the soft fabric it's laying on. White and black and purple and bloody- His brain stops. Little purple eyes blink back tears at him, purple eyes out of his own face, only darker. Or a chubbier version of it. He reaches out, noticing that the little boy isn't crying now, just staring at his fingers. He touches the fuzz on their head and pets it before he can stop himself. The baby makes a gurgling noise, spit bubbles forming in their mouth.

Taiga thinks he knows what to do, but he doesn't really have any idea. He scoops up the baby, careful with their head and swallows. He recognizes the x shaped straps, the leggings curled up like a nest where the baby's body had been laying, the white shirt folded like a pillow. There were no shoes and for some reason that was the most absurd part. Even with the dried blood staining bits of the fabric, the shoes were gone. Had she left them somewhere?

Why had Mirei been all the way out here?

He wants to think about this, but as he holds the gurgling little boy, all Taiga can do is cry.

* * *

Akiho is the one who finds him after it's long turned dark and the baby has fallen asleep in his lap. His tears haven't stopped entirely yet but he can't make any more noise. Akiho somehow sees him (it occurs to him in some distant way that he knows almost nothing about her or Rina, but her even less) in the dark and hurries over to him and her eyes go wide. He can't care. He doesn't know what to do. He just stares at her blankly, helplessly.

She goes to examine the clothes and a piece of paper falls from the pocket. He can't see the words too well, so she reads it aloud. There are tears in her eyes and he's never seen it before.

"I love you," Akiho reads. "His name is Lark. I'm so sorry."

The rest is a bunch of chaotic symbols that they don't know or Akiho refuses to translate right now as she takes the baby – Lark, his child- he realizes in some part of his soul that isn't numb. She rocks the sleeping infant and Taiga can't help but crumple and cry again, softer this time.

He thinks he remembers, the exuberance on their faces way back when, the innocence of childhood immortality. But it had not been long enough for a baby to develop as well as this one. It had been four months, at most. Yet here he was, and Mirei wasn't.

She had made her choice. She had not chosen her life. And Taiga isn't sure what he would have done if she had.


	2. Life

Taiga doesn't know what to do with a baby. Lark starts crying and he's just staring with a lost and helpless face at him before Akiho goes back to rocking him as they walk. I should have known how to do that, he thinks bitterly to himself but the rest of him is laughing because hell no he should not have. He is an only child and only children are notoriously slow at picking this up more often than not. She rocks the boy until he is quiet and calm.

They had used Mirei's clothes to swaddle the naked baby. The smell must soothe him too, but he still makes fussy hiccups that cause Akiho to sigh and smile a little.

"He's hungry," she tells him. "And I can't do the breastfeeding thing. So we should probably hurry up."

Taiga feels his face color and grow warm. "Akiho!" Okay, she's always been a little crass, but seriously!

She snorts and that gentleness she usually reserves for tears and small things is buried in the noise. "I'm perfectly allowed to reference my own anatomy in a productive manner, Taiga."

"Out loud?" He's trying not to sputter, even though this conversation is pulling him out of a brutal, bitter funk when it shouldn't be.

She giggles at him and boops little Lark -god he even has a name, how long had she _known_?- on the nose. "Yes, actually. You should probably understand the anatomy of your fellow man. Easier in the long run."

"I know biology, Akiho." He feels a bit defensive, like she's accusing him of something, of _this_ even.

She only smiles at him. "Then I hope you know how to change a diaper because his excretion isn't going into the air."

Taiga thinks about it, and laughs until his eyes water. "Oh my god, I'm fucked, aren't I?"

"Language," she says half-heartedly. She agrees with him, and that's the best part. "Call the others. And call your mom. I may like kids, but I wasn't allowed to babysit anything or anyone under the age of two. No idea why. Rina was though, so she can help."

Taiga wants to be surprised, but the fact that he has no girlfriend and a newborn son who is vastly premature is a lot more of a concern.

* * *

His mother is torn between squealing over her grandson and being massively disappointed. In who, he's not particularly sure. He should have known probably. They both had decided to have sex and for all of Mirei's intelligence her naivety about humanity was almost disturbing at times. Had been anyway, and he wondered idly if that was what had killed her.

No, it couldn't have been.

If his mother was disappointed, it didn't show beyond the initial discomfort and the raised eyebrow. He knew he would get hell later, once Lark wasn't a squirming, bawling ball of flesh and cute. Well, kind of cute. Babies weren't the best looking thing at first. Except this was his, so it was automatically cute. Right? She takes the baby from Akiho and Akiho salutes, going to get supplies more than likely. How were they going to pay her back?

"At this point," his mother says solemnly, because clearly she's done this before. "The best thing this little one could get is mother's milk. But I suppose if you're here with him, Mirei isn't."

Taiga nods, numbly. "I don't know what happened. I really… I..." He looks at the table, then at the fussing Lark. "He was there, where I found him, but she-" And then it all floods out of him, the story, Digital World and all, the fear, the tears, and he watches his mother's expression age.

"Ah," she says in a sad, old voice. "I was afraid that side had something to do with it."

His blood runs cold. "T-That side?"

His mother nods. "We're going to need tea for this conversation. Could you put on some water?"

Taiga hesitates and then nods. His mother is rarely one for tea, or one for stalling either. But as he goes to the sink, he hears his door open again, and Lark sobbing anew. For a moment Rina is covered by a large box of… what he's not exactly sure, but it's easy to figure out when she sets the box down and is followed by everyone else. His eyes go wide as the others come in with bags. Yuuya in particular, looks pleased with himself. Well, more pleased than usual.

"You didn't," he says, aghast. He barely manages to put the kettle on.

Niko sits in an unoffered chair, peering at the baby his mother is soothing. "Did, man. Not sorry."

"I believe the words are 'thank you'," Yuuya supplies, offering Rina one of the bags. She immediately starts rummaging, looking as serious as he's – any of them, probably- have seen her. She sets to work. Akiho goes to take Lark from Taiga's mom. The baby begins to babble, having refused to be quiet for a while.

Taiga can't blame the poor thing.

Eventually, he is given a bottle and Rina seems happy to feed the newborn. No one looks at Taiga. They're too busy looking through whatever had been brought over and putting it away, or in the case of a _goddamn crib_ , putting it together.

No one speaks. Taiga watches the tea, makes some rice. He watches Rina and thinks she's uncommonly beautiful in some weird way that- holy shit, thoughts derail right now. He looks lower, to the peaceful little boy who Rina lifts to burp, wisps of gray faint on a nearly bald head. His, his child, his accident and possibly the reason why Mirei's gone _for good_ -

No. he is not, shut up pessimism.

Finally, Taiga reaches out for him. Lark, now wrapped in a fluffy yellow blanket, happily snuggles in his lap. He's no longer crying. Does he know what happened to his mother? Those big purple eyes -her eyes, he swallows tears to think about that- look dazedly in the general direction his face is in and tell him, yes, he does. He does know but he doesn't and he is very cold without her.

Something else that they have in common, he supposes.

His mother clearing her throat startles him from his reverie. He sits down with Lark, whose purple eyes are now closed and even though the baby can finally be put down, Taiga doesn't want to do it.

What if he disappears too?

His mother pours the tea. Mama looks ten years older, he thinks. She's always looked young and now she just doesn't. It's so weird.

"Presumably, you all know about the Digital World, correct?"

A scattered set of nods. Rina drinks her tea without blowing on it. He doesn't know how she can do that. Akiho elbows her. Her expression is oddly chilly, a change from endless bubbles and friendly smiles.

Mama nods. "I used to live there. I grew up there."

"And you're still alive?" Niko blurts out.

Mama laughs, and it's a way Taiga realizes belatedly that Mirei had before, all noise and no substance. "Afraid so. I may not look it, but I am a fighter." She sighed. "I ran away from home like the rebellious youth I am, had our favorite pain in the side, and ended up here." She winks at him at the nickname and Taiga has enough presence of mind to stick out his tongue.

"She loves me," he says and she sobers.

"You have no idea how much," she says and something in him hurts. Then she looks at Lark. "But I think you're about to."

Lark's sleepy snuffles warm in his chest and Taiga nods, feeling his eyes grow wet.

Mama looks accepting. "I took you away for a number of personal reasons, one of them being my mother. She is awful for boys. And even if she wasn't, the environment was bad." She smiles. "But now, you will be better off."

"Except I'm still in high school," Taiga says with a low sigh.

"I'm not," Yuuya supplies with a small smirk.

Akiho and Rina share a look that goes over everyone's heads. Then, they both hop up together. "We'll help," the former informs him with a big smile that he knows.

Taiga shakes his head. "No, you can't-"

"Sure we can." Niko gives him a fond, exasperated look. "Cause just letting you drop out of school is always the answer, man. Besides, I've got the dad with the science degree. He's gotta know some stuff to figure out what happened. And besides, what are friends for?"

"Punching," Rina offers with a smirk, taking another large gulp of tea.

"It's fine with me." Taiga watches his mama go to the stove. "I still need to work. Someone is going to need to keep an eye on him."

Taiga adjusts his grip on Lark to rub his eyes. "Um… thanks guys."

They shouldn't do this, he's sure of that. He's just as sure that saying that won't stop them.


	3. Surprises

He's surprised - and he's starting to realize that with your own kids around you are left in a state of perpetual surprise – at how it all falls together.

Akiho is there early every morning after summer vacation ends. When he asks why, she shrugs. "School doesn't mind."

But after doing some digging and listening about it, he realizes they do mind, a lot. Or they should. There are kids whispering in the class next door, about the cheerful girl who had suddenly gone to the teachers and requested every test they had and blazed through them all. Some of them are hostile about it. Taiga isn't sure what to think about that.

Rina has no whispers.

"She goes to an advanced school," Akiho tells him when he asks. She barely lets go of Lark, watching him coo and giggle with a bright, fond face. When he stares at her, she laughs. "Taiga, she's a _genius_. Showing off like that at a regular school makes her uncomfortable, that's all."

"It's more than that," he says, gesturing for Lark. He's tired from school, always is, but holding him is a joy he never knew he actually wanted, so despite the dull ache every time those purple-blue eyes fasten on him, Taiga has to do it.

Akiho obediently hands the boy over and her arms look empty until she busies herself with a textbook. A _university_ textbook, mind you. "Of course," she agrees. She smiles at him very gently. "There's always _more_ , Taiga."

He regards her, lips twitching. "You're trying to make me feel stupid."

"Don't think I have to try to do that, you do it to yourself all of the time," she muses, looking back at the page.

His cheeks color. "When did you get so observant?"

"Always am." Lark makes a snuffling noise and Taiga immediately turns to him, looking for the bottle. She tosses it over with one hand and without looking.

Taiga suspects this is the beginning of a long trend of her being right. He's not sure if he likes it or not.

* * *

Rina's there in the evenings, swapping with Akiho like they're on shift duty. Sometimes Niko's with her, sometimes not. But Yuuya always meets Akiho at the door. She giggles at him every time and Rina surveys them like she's plotting where to put his grave. It's unnerving if he's going to be honest.

Tonight is a night without Niko. She's helping Lark roll, or trying to anyway. He's intent on her face and makes happy noises when she makes silly ones. It's too damn cute. Taiga watches. He had done this earlier, each sound pulled from his mouth unbidden but making his heart swell every time. Lark responds so easily, he's such a good kid.

Watching him with Rina now… it makes him think of Mirei.

Okay to be fair, he's had trouble stopping that habit. She's in every bit of that little boy, in the milk chocolate of his skin and the bright color of his eyes. Imagining her doing what Rina is doing right now, it makes his eyes water. He has to look away for a few minutes. He doesn't know if Mirei would actually act like this, but maybe she would. Maybe the perfection of their son would make that happen.

"Akiho's pregnant."

Rina's comment is so sudden (at least, to him), that Taiga almost starts off the sofa. At least it got him out of his funk. "She's what?"

Rina nods. "Yuuya's. Two months." Her voice has the sound of hollow metal in it, and he had had no idea that it would have that sound, or that a voice box even could.

Taiga feels like he's swimming in deep water, struggling to make for air. "But, what, she's, he's-" He's scrambling for words. Sensible, smart, better under peer pressure?

"Idiots." The steel turns to fondness. "The pair of them are dumb." Rina smiles a little and turns back to tickling Lark's stomach. He squeals at the touch. "I don't think it was on purpose. But, well," She sighs. "She's not sure what to do about it."

Taiga, having managed to catch himself and breathe again. "Why are you telling me this?"

"So you know." Rina shrugs and picks up Lark, letting him cuddle against her chest. "You would have noticed in the end. You have it too and all."

"Have wha- oh." He stops and places his fingers over his eye sockets. Decode. Some apparently super useful ability with Digimon but was way too useless for anything else… right?

"Is Decode that great?"

Rina shrugs again. "Probably." She sits back against the side of the sofa, letting Lark tug on her hair. He'd have to stop him when her hair wasn't so fascinating to him- damn it, brain! No. Just no. Niko would kill him. "I mean, I've seen and heard and felt weird sh-stuff all of my life, so I don't know what it's like otherwise." She taps her temples and makes a face, causing a new chorus of giggles to erupt from Lark.

He watches her, lowering his index finger and thumb to not pinch her for the curse word. "Your irises?"

"Yeah." She rocks Lark and he yawns, looking right at his father. Taiga smiles without thinking, and he gets one back. "The red. Ever since I wa-" Rina stops all of a sudden and looks away. Then she continues. "They've always been red." She smooths Lark's dusk-violet hair. "Yours turn red sometimes."

"Really?"

She nods and looks up, minutes before the lock in the door starts to turn. "Really."

"Rina-chan?" Mama calls gently, as if afraid to wake the baby. Lark makes a babbling noise that's something like a hello, Taiga figures. "Niko-kun's with me."

Her face lights up and she gently passes over the half-asleep Lark. Rina grins and dips her head at Lark before making to leave. It's the most polite gesture she's ever given him, probably due to dropping about three bombshells on him in the same conversation.

* * *

"Papa!"

Taiga nearly spits his soda, and he had paid good money for that. He looks over at Lark in his high chair, the little boy's plastic spoon in his mashed potatoes. Lark is staring right at him, beaming with his big, toothless smile.

"Papa!" repeats the baby and Taiga's eyes water.

He is not prepared for this. It is his son's first word and it's about _him_ and where is the camera, he needs that smile tattooed on his hands and-

 _Click_.

He's snapped out his shock to see Yuuya holding up his phone. The expression on his face is not quite a smirk anymore, but it's still amused.

"I was prepared," he informs Taiga, before returning to his small meal of salad and salmon rolls.

Taiga swallows and turns back to Lark, who is now poking at his potatoes with the spoon instead of aiming it towards his mouth. "No Lark, you've almost got it," he says. The boy looks up at his name and beams, waving the spoon and sending the spuds flying. Yuuya ducks., barely avoiding the splatter of mash. Taiga winces, but Yuuya is grinning like a child.

"Can't be worse than spit up, now can it?" When Taiga only continues to stare, Yuuya snickers. "You've met my younger brother. I had to experience this firsthand once before." Taiga raises an eyebrow and Yuuya sighs. "Tall, messy dark hair, fond of deleting V-Pets?"

Taiga pauses and then his jaw drops open. "Kurosugi is your _brother?*_ "

Yuuya nods and tips back his tea like anyone else would a drink of beer. "Mmhm." His voice sounds tired in its sudden informality. "Father tolerates his stupidity. I kick him in the gut for it, he insults my height and takes money from the inheritance to do something stupid. I've had to lock him out of his bank account repeatedly." He pauses and refills his cup without asking. Ponce. "And yet I make one sexual deviancy and my integrity's called into question."

"What does your mom think?" Taiga thinks of his own, and her perfectly natural disappointment and pain. He grins at Lark again and rises to help him eat to cover it.

Yuuya shrugs. "I'd tell you if she were around."

Taiga nods, taking that for what it is. "Akiho's parents?"

"Never met them," Yuuya admits, tipping the cup back again. "She says they don't live around here, but I never see her call them. Or Rina's for that matter. They're flatmates, after all."

"By themselves?" Taiga feels his mother's long-ingrained 'take care of your friends and family' urge kicking in. After all that baby stuff, they deserve it surely. There's no way they can take care of a baby on their own. Well, they've helped him so it might be easier.

Still!

"Apparently." Yuuya swallows a piece of salmon. "Is it wrong I don't feel bad?"

"Are you asking me for relationship advice?" The sky has got to be falling.

"Answer the question please."

They both snort.

Then Taiga shrugs. "I don't know. Is she happy?"

Yuuya smiles and that one is genuine. "She's dazzling."

"Then you shouldn't feel bad to her face," Taiga decides.

Yuuya chuckles. "I suppose you're right. That does happen, doesn't it?"

Taiga flicks some of Lark's potatoes at him. He doesn't miss.


	4. Growth

Taiga isn't sure which is better: Lark tottering around the room, or that he's tottering after a crawling boy with pink hair. It's adorable all the same. He probably shouldn't make it a contest.

Akiho is watching them with half-lidded eyes, laid up on his couch. It was mostly because of his mom. She knows pregnancy a lot better than the rest of them. Telling her to sit and chill was a given. Her hands twitch to help her little one crawl, and despite the sleepy expression he can feel Akiho's ability to leap across the room and gut anyone unknown at the door. He just wishes he knew how she could do it.

To cover his discomfort, he waves at her. "Go and sleep, I'm okay."

She shakes her head. "'m fine."

"You're not." That's obvious. There are bags under her eyes, darker ones than Yuuya's and he apparently barely gets any rest. Even the first few months with Lark weren't this tiring. "Is he still not good at sleeping?"

Akiho makes to answer but they both pause at Lark's very insistent "Up!" directed at Madoka, who had apparently grabbed hold of his leg and clung. He spits on it, making Lark let out a tiny wail of dismay and plop down on his bottom.

Taiga is up before Akiho, going to carefully separate them and bounce Lark to get him to calm. He does so fairly quickly. "Papa," he whines. "I down."

"You did fall," Taiga tells him, lips struggling to keep their mirth and delight at a single word (god it hurts to hear it and not the other) from showing. He makes to hook his hands about Lark's arms, but the boy pouts.

"No," he insists. He grabs Taiga's hands instead. Taiga's lips twitch again as he watches Lark try to stand with all of his weight. Seeing this makes him almost completely forget the nights with little sleep and frustration all around. Almost.

Akiho, meanwhile, has scooped up Madoka again, laying him up against her chest. He snuggles in and it makes her giggle. Eventually, they go quiet once more and Lark lets his dad help him up to waddle with the help of chairs and tables. Taiga just watches, hovering nearby. His ears are trained more on Akiho. Her breathing has slowed a little, but that doesn't mean much. He'd forgotten she was in a room once and he regretted it for the rest of the day.

Eventually, Lark stops walking, plopping onto his bottom of his own volition. Taiga picks him up again, carrying him to his playpen. He sits back on the floor after this, closing his eyes to sneak a little nap of his own. Lark apparently could sleep anywhere, much like Mirei.

It had been a year. A year since that little boy, a year since she had just… what? Disappeared, faded away, run away, killed herself, what/ All he knows is that she's gone. And it's been a year. She won't come back.

He lets out a heavy exhale, preparing to swallow the lump in his throat, when he hears a sniffle. It's not a baby sniffle. It's a barely contained one, so it's not a baby who doesn't know how _not_ to cry. It's Akiho, and the way she's trying to contain it is heavy and worn out and feels like Akiho has forgotten _how_ to do it.

Taiga sits and resists the urge to jump up and ask what's wrong. He wants to because that's what she tends to do and he prefers the honesty. But he doesn't think she would tell him if he did, and then this would just keep happening until-

What, exactly?

She is sobbing now, Taiga realizes dimly. He reaches behind him and squeezes her wrist. She doesn't resist, but her body tenses up for a long while. After indeterminable moments filled with tot snores and hiccups, she says in a quiet whisper.

"I'm just homesick, that's all."

It's more than that, he wants to insist again, and this time he thinks he should. But the tension in her shoulders is too tight.

'I miss Mirei," Taiga says instead. Lark snuffles, like he hears her name.

She makes a wet sound. "Me too."

Taiga doesn't question it, or question her. They just stay like that for a while, until she really does fall asleep. He's awake for a long time, wondering so much.

…

Taiga wakes up one morning and something is very wrong.

He's barely dressed, for one. Granted, it's summer and despite his love of his sweater, even he has to shed it when it gets this high up. His room is a mess, for another and while he is not a neat freak, he usually knows where everything is. Now he probably won't be able to find his socks. The third is that he feels sticky. Dirty, sticky and…

_Shit._

Looking around he realizes his friends are in various places on his bed and floor. Yuuya and Akiho are curled together under a sheet. Niko's glasses are on the nightstand and he's a lump at the foot of the bed. The mess is making even _his_ eye twitch. Rina is nowhere to be found. He leaves the room. Being in there makes his vision swim and his body _ache_.

They did not, they totally did not do the thing, they di-

Rina's sitting on the couch. Madoka is on one knee, and Lark is leaned against her side. She's reading slowly, as though oblivious to the drooping eyes of both children. Taiga clears his throat and they look up (mostly. Madoka's working on that looking part). Lark lets out a wordless cry of greeting, raising his arms. Ever twisted around his son's chubby fingers, Taiga lifts him up into his arms, earning delighted 'papa' noises.

Rina adjusts her grip on Madoka. 'Mornin." Her voice is slightly slurred. She can't have been been up that long then. "Sleep well?"

"Kinda." He's pretty sure he slept like the dead, even if he can't remember what knocked him out like that. "Rina… did we..." He doesn't want to say it in case Lark repeats it for the rest of the day, but it really is concerning to him if they-

"Yep. All of us somehow, at some point." Her blase voice is probably only because she's not looking at him. "We were all sober, far as I know." She pets the pink fuzz. "Probably just a bit hazy for you."

"Erm… yeah..." He's bright red now, and wants to look away. "Sorry about that..."

"Why?" Rina looks at him now and for the first time her red eyes look deadly, cold and impassive and worn out. Like dimming light bulbs. "I can't get pregnant. Can't get STDs. It's Akiho you should worry about."

"Rina..." Taiga pretends her bluntness isn't making him uncomfortable. "That doesn't make sense."

"Sure it does," she says, still watching him without any impatience. The coldness is still there, but he listens hard and hears the lack of sleep, feels the resignation in her voice. "i'm just a humanoid robot. I don't have a reproductive or circulatory system."

There's a crash of ceramic breaking. It's Niko, dropping his mug.

Rina smiles and sets Madoka onto a cushion. Then she hurries out the door.


	5. Envy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for child soldiers, experimentation, murder, death, gang violence, swearing

Rina is gone for over a week.

Taiga isn't sure who panics more: him or Niko. Niko because that's his girlfriend and she _totally_ misinterpreted, or him because the last time a girl disappeared she was gone forever and left a baby and him behind. (He tries not to be angry now and he's always failing and hates that about himself.)

Akiho tells them not to worry, over and over. She knows Rina better than them, supposedly, and she'll come back. But that alone isn't good enough, they want to know how. She never says a thing, and eventually stops coming over on her own. And even when they're alone, Yuuya can't get an answer.

It hurts, it really does.

Looking back, he supposes they should have gotten a vague idea on some of this beforehand. He had never seen her bleed, not once. He knows, by Niko's attempts to sneak condoms on the shopping list (and they're not for him, he hasn't had an urge to date for months, he's too tired, and Yuuya clearly has hidden nothing, or buys them himself like a responsible adult.) that they've been intimate. But there's never been a pregnancy test in sight and you'd think after Akiho, his paranoid friend would be twice as careful.

Sometimes Taiga sees her, going through an alley or wandering through the park, little things that he only sees because he's got Lark with him and is helping him see the world or because school is out.

She never takes any notice of him. But the kids are everywhere, and she's able to disappear with ease. Her eyes look more like raw rubbed skin over crimson puddles. Which is worse, he can't tell.

So one day, he follows her. Lark sleeps through a section of it and he follows her into the GIGO building. A part of him feels ill, but he uses their services every day with Digimaru, what is the big deal?

He stops when he hears V.V.'s voice.

He's never stopped hearing the Digimon. Over the years, it's gotten quieter. He's spent more time in crowds and that drowns it out. But he's never stopped and hearing V.V. is almost nostalgic.

"Rina… you need to go home."

"I'll be fine." Her voice is muffled by fabric, he guesses her sweater. "Just a little hot, tha's all."

"You miss them." He doesn't sound exasperated, like he usually does. He sounds fond, almost happy about that.

"Course I do. I miss everyone." Her voice cracks a little. "I'm not _that_ defective."

"You're an idiot, not defective." V.V. sighs. "Go home, Rina."

"No."

"Rina..." His voice is heavy, like they've had this argument a thousand, thousand times. "It's not like you've told them something irredeemable. You're a gynoid. Maybe you're not entirely human, but you still are important to them."

"I'm a freak who can't bleed, can't control my own body heat, am perfectly capable of crushing a building if I punch the right spot." Her voice is pure monotony. It's chilling and nausea-inducing. "I'm only not liquidated because I can't give _birth._ " She laughs, none of that cockiness in it like the Digital World. Come to think of it, that had been when she had sounded the most alive.

There's a soft thud as she thumps her head against the wall. "Maybe I'm important to them, but… maybe I'm just in the way too."

V.V. doesn't speak. Taiga makes a snap decision, taking every bit of energy to not run over and yank Rina into a hug and tell her none of that is true. Or at least, the last part is. He can't talk about the first part, and he's not the person who should. He still wants to.

Sending Niko the message, Taiga hurries to leave before the lump in his throat grows too big. Lark blinks his big 'papa'?' questioning stare at him and he can't answer it.

Well, he can but he won't. His son loves him. He can't bear to see him disappointed.

* * *

Yuuya sends him Akiho and Rina's address without asking why. In return, Taiga finds a nice set of pencils and pens for a sketchbook and leaves them on the couch. As he's leaving, he sees Yuuya sketching the lines of Lark's hair over his sleeping face.

It's very good.

He knocks on Akiho's door and looks around. Taiga tries not to shiver. The entire way here had made him constantly check that the streetlights were on. even in the summer air, it felt dark and oppressive. The stairs creaked on his way up, there was a small kid picking up litter as he walked around the building. There's the sound of a television through another door. If Taiga tilts his head right, he can hear the news. And swearing.

Akiho opens the door open and blinks, tea cup in hand. "Taiga? It's pretty late, what are you doing here?"

"I, uh..." Taiga swallows. Well, shit. Once he had gotten all the way here, he had no idea what to say. "I, uh, heard Rina talking to V.V. So I..." _So I came here hoping you would be straight with me._ Saying that sounded like a seriously asshole thing to do but he was starting to hate people not just being blunt and telling him things.\

Akiho blinks again. "Ah," she says, and opens the door all the way. "Come on then." Her voice sounds tired more than angry. "Would have had to find out eventually, I guess," she says as he shuts the door behind him. There's a sleepy wailing sound and Akiho laughs at the look on Taiga's face. "Go rock him," she orders. "There's a bottle on the table. I'll get the tea. It's almost done."

He grumbles, but considering he woke the poor thing up, he probably should calm him down again. He goes to the living room. It's been painted in the past few months, he can somehow tell (is that his Decode working now?), and looks soft blue. There's weary looking couch, and a nice television. A laptop sits precariously at the edge near a coaster. There's no dining room, he notices, barely a wall between a kitchen and this living room.

"Yuuya lets you live here?" He would figure it's too small for the heir to a company.

Akiho comes into the room with a teapot and cookies. They smell like ginger all the way over here. Taiga starts rocking Madoka, who is still making whines and fussing sounds that are both really cute and really upsetting. Even Lark's fussing tends to make him panic. He will do anything to make him stop more often than not.

He notes to himself that he needs to work on that.

Akiho puts down the other coaster and sits beside him, pouring the cups. He smiles in reflexive gratitude and she nods, blowing on it. The gesture makes him pause, remembering something that he's seen dozens of times.

"Rina doesn't blow on anything," he blurts out. Akiho quirks a pink eyebrow. She nods.

"She doesn't," she agrees, passing the bottle to him. With well-practiced fingers, he helps Madoka take it. The fussing boy calms a little, eyes closing a little without pause. "Never has to. But she can't wear most clothes either."

Taiga flushes red. Like anyone couldn't notice that. "You barely wear a dress."

Akiho scoffs. "My legs need to be free for kicking."

His flush darkens because he can now kind of sort of remember a helpful thing about her inability to wear a good dress. "S-Sure, that's it."

She smiles. Then she looks back at Madoka's head, whose fuzz is turning more into hair like Lark. "What did you hear," she says, once he can control his embarrassment.

Taiga swallows and takes a hesitant sip of tea. Oh good, it's not scalding. He likes heat and burning rarely bugs him. But it does in drinks. "A lot." He repeats it slowly, because the denial is starting to melt which means it's real. One of his best friends for years, who he has quietly admitted to himself might have been a future girl to crush on really badly for a while, is a gynoid. It doesn't really change anything, but it makes a lot of puzzle pieces fall into place.

So it basically changes everything, shit.

Akiho listens, her fingers playing with something invisible. She doesn't seem to notice she's doing it. When he's done, she lets out a tired sigh. He watches her, because she's growing on him too. But they have other people and the lump is back in his throat again. The person you want is dead, Taiga. They're not coming back. _She's not coming back._

Saying that to himself over and over is getting easier. Just barely.

Thinking about this almost causes him to miss her next words. "She's jealous."

Taiga blinks. _She's what?_ "What does that have to do with anything?"

Akiho smiles dryly. "Everything." She bites into a ginger snap. "I'm gonna tell you a story, Taiga. Get comfy." As if to emphasize her point, she takes the gurgling Madoka from him and burps him, gently setting him in his little comfy space afterwards. Then she turns off the television and stares up at the weathered looking ceiling.

"A long time ago," she says, voice slow and measured like an audiobook. "On another Earth, Digimon started to appear. To human children, to adults, to seemingly anyone, these creatures showed themselves. Some were simply companions and friends, others were parents. More were troublemakers. There was a fair amount of damage. People died, I imagine." She exhales. "The governments of the world, the most powerful anyway, wanted to do something about this. So they dove into the best technology and created an area in another dimension. Bit by bit, people started disappearing. Dead in plane crashes, wore out their visas, arrested for petty crimes. Their faces on milk cartons, the whole thing. At one point, those governments decided: let's send our criminals too. The monsters will kill them. Two birds with one stone. When I was four, I met a big pink bird. Two months later, we were dragged from our house, knocked out. I never saw that house again."

"Up in that strange place, people were banding together to fight each other. My parents, in their anger and love, wanted to keep my family safe. They took over many, and became as feared as any real criminal." She smiles wider. "I followed them. I was a child, after all, and I was angry too. I met Rina years later, after I could make grown men flinch when I walked by. The fighting was starting to wane. People were trying to bring order. Within a year and a half, we were engaged. Two girls can't have children. She's a gynoid, created for _killing._ "

And suddenly, it makes a lot of sense. Everything makes a lot of sense.

"Then we ended up here," she continues, before Taiga can even voice his thoughts. "A portal opens up in the sky and we're stupid enough to push our loved ones away. They think we're dead, I bet. And now, here we are, you, her best friend, with a child you didn't want, and me, with one we've wanted since we _were_ children, and her with a boyfriend who wants a family that has love and many children, and the happiness he never really had for long. And she can't give that to him, when she wants that too." Akiho drinks her tea.

"So, she's jealous. She's also an idiot." Akiho sighs again. "And she's homesick. So am I."

Taiga doesn't know what possesses him in that moment to kiss her, but he does it. He curses in his head and she laughs at him, broken from the strange fog melancholy.

"You're guilty now?" she asks with an absent gesture to her body, giving him a not-too-subtle reminder. He gives her an exasperated look and she only smiles.

"She'll be all right," Akiho tells him after the television is back on and she's comfortably nestled in the couch again.

And she's right. Something shifts after that day in the five of them, and when she's back, they're a little more careful, a little more talkative. And if there are more hand brushes or close contact moments than before, well, his mama never says anything.

She even seems to approve.


	6. Footsteps

His Digivice is beeping.

Taiga groans and rolls over, burying his head in his pillow. He didn't have to get up for work today and Lark didn't have to go to school. Digimaru could wait a few more minutes right?

"Papa!"

Damn it. He groans again, louder this time. He reaches out blindly, not wanting to open his eyes. His fingers brush a familiar pair of slender hands, which twitched. Crud. "Sorry, Rina," he mutters.

Rina yawns sleepily. "No worries, I'll get him." Now comfortably, or probably uncomfortably at the same time, aware of her presence next to him on the bed and rolling away, he tugs the covers back over. "Put some clothes on."

"I'm still wearing clothes," she counters and he blushes. Damn his brain. Damn his libido. Damn his friends.

Lovers? Whatever? He doesn't know. He isn't sure he cares.

He rolls over and makes himself try to tune it all out, even Lark's delight at Rina reaching him from one side of the door. He is tired. He csn surely ignore it and go back to sleep.

"Vladi giggled," he hears the boy say and his heart threatens to melt. He almost opens his eyes just to steal that expression and delight all for himself.

But Rina answers him before he can. "Course she did, she's a happy lil girl, like her brothers right?"

Lark giggles himself. He has never heard a boy giggle before Lark. The scary part is that despite all of his cheer and pep is that everything he says makes him think of her. It is somehow in the way he says things, despite likely never hearing her voice. "Yeah!" he agrees. "Mama Rina, can I help you feed her please?"

"Mmhm." At the sound of the door clicking shut, Taiga rolls over and manages to slow his breathing once more

Lark is four now, almost five. He has never asked where his mama is, he has grown up happy and healthy and loved, so far. He has little siblings who love him and he loves them. His father is in college and working. Taiga has done everything he can, supported by his friends who love him so much, and his mother who already has so much on her plate.

Yet.

His Digivice beeps again. Taiga groans. "Digimaru."

Beep! Beep! Beep!

He sighs and rolls over to see what he wanted. He blinks at the little icon on screen. "Mail?" Granted, his Digivice toy was a phone so it wasn't like he couldn't check his email. Still, most of his notification beeps tended to come from Digimaru. Taiga taps it open and then he freezes at the words appearing on screen.

His Digivice hits the bed, then the floor as he runs out of the room.

* * *

They take him seriously, because why wouldn't they? They have no proof she's dead, no proof she's alive, no proof of anything other than that she loved Taiga earnestly, because what other way was there?

Niko pulls the body of the mail from his own inbox. Taiga feels his mother's curious eyes on them, her arms looped around a curious Lark and combing his hair. Niko squints at the screen, like they had years ago. Rina is leaning on his head and in other circumstances Taiga would think it was cute.

"After the phoenix world cries its last, send your child from its ashes. After the heart is clouded with the ice of grief, melt the snow and let spring come. What is it that weathers the storm?,'" Niko read out to them.

And there, like the first one, at the bottom, is a submission box.

"Well," Niko says thoughtfully, less irritation than what would have been a couple of years ago. "It sounds like her, I'll give it that. But, she's never asked questions like that. It seems like a prank."

Akiho makes a face, rocking Vladimira out of habit more than need. The girl yawns on her mother. "But barely anyone knew of who she was," she says, smiling at Madoka's marching about the room. "Or about the email. Who would send this?"

"Well if it is her, then where has she _been_?" Niko counters. "The only thing you guys found was her clothes and the kid, where could she have gone like that?" His voice shakes slightly. They like to pretend that Taiga was really the only one hurt by Mirei's disappearance, but over the years Taiga's known better, learned better.

"The Digital World?" Yuuya's words are pensive. "Plenty know her there and they could have gotten our emails through GIGO." He sighs to himself. "I keep telling them to up security."

They all go quiet and Taiga's horribly aware they all are avoiding looking at him.

"What if it is her?" he finally says and his voice is a croak. The eager hope in his chest has shrunk to a spark and it's clouded with fear and anger and concern and more. "What… what am I supposed to do if I see her? If we see her? What do we do?"

Because he doesn't know. Five years have gone by and he has no idea what he would have done if he had seen her again on that day.

They don't answer. Then Rina looks at the email. She mouths the words and then starts to pace. Madoka, innocently, follows her, step for step. She doesn't notice.

They all seem to be avoiding the email again. Then Taiga blinks, puzzled, as Rina rushes over to the computer. She closes the email and turns off Niko's computer.

"No," she says simply.

"No?" Niko parrots, Taiga echoing him. "What do you mean, no?"

"No," Rina repeats. "We can't."

Then she casts her eyes to the children in the room and picks up Madoka to wipe the dirt he's somehow gotten on his nose. And Taiga pauses to wipe his eyes.

She's right, he realizes. No.

They're adults now. They can't just go running back into their teenage years and into adventure.

He knows however, watching Akiho and Rina stay closer to each other than usual, that that's all they all want to do.

* * *

Days pass. He doesn't forget about the email.

None of them do.

They still don't talk about it. Akiho takes the children to school with him and they kiss in alcoves and he is grateful she doesn't say anything about his tears and murmurs of Mirei's name as she comforts him with her fingers.

He goes to class red-faced and ribbed by his classmates and thinks about getting new glasses. He passes Rina in the halls or while she's beating the shit out of someone with her bare fists for club and they smile at each other.

Yuuya's always at home by the time he returns, Niko is always after him, and they rib each other and teach the kids how to play Mario Kart or what homework they may have.

They're all a little stronger than usual, he realizes, from trying not to think about it.

* * *

Akiho is sick one day, so Taiga takes Lark and Madoka to school alone. Madoka is always trading hats with Lark, dancing about and babbling excitedly about his friends. Normally, Lark is right along with him, so excited and bright and sometimes even more happy. But not today. Today he's… quiet. He's looking around as they cross.

"Lark?" Taiga says softly. Lark looks at him. His big purple eyes are all on him.

"Mama's here," he replies. "I can hear her. Mama's nearby."

Taiga smiles nervously, pretends his blood isn't ice water. "Your mama's not around, Lark," he says, keeping to confusion instead.

Lark shakes his head. "Mama is here," he insists. "I hear her."

"How?" taiga hears the strain in his own voice and tries to breathe, to calm down.

"Because I love Mama and Papa." Lark looks at him as he speaks. "I love all of my Mamas and Papas and I've wanted to meet mama for a-" he stops speaking and then his hand leaves Taiga's. Madoka had been watching this whole thing with his usual strange, solemn curiosity. Then he eagerly raced after Lark, for a game or because of a serious reason, Taiga didn't know, but he was of course, bound to go after them.

He stops for a moment as his Digivice beeps. The email sits in his inbox, sparkling new. The riddle sits there, almost glaring at him.

"What is it that weathers the storm?" he repeats to himself. Taiga hears Lark's delighted shriek and chases after it. What is that remains when the snow melts and spring comes?

And then he realizes that Rina had known already. He reaches Lark and Madoka, the former of whom has tackled a small girl into a tight hug.

What is it that sends a child from the ashes.

He remembers the cradle of clothes.

He sees a girl with long purple hair and thinks, _love._

Love has weathered this storm.

Taiga types the word in and clicks submit.


	7. Sayo

The little girl (could he call her that, she looks about eight?) follows him obediently, if with complete confusion. Taiga calls the school in a daze, claiming the boys are sick. Madoka is just following because he doesn't know any better but Lark refuses to let go of the girl's hand. It had taken Taiga five minutes to convince his son of the girl's need for air and the ability to walk so Lark has settled for holding her hand, if pouting ever so slightly while doing so.

The girl hasn't made a sound, but there's so much, too much purple on her that there's no one else that she can be but there she is. She watches him intently, but her front teeth are worrying her bottom lip. For a moment, Taiga doubts.

But Lark is so certain, and Taiga wants to give his child something. So he'll humor him. That's all.

He ignore the thudding in his stomach.

They make it inside. Niko is laying on the couch, Vladi on his stomach with a pad of paper in her small hands. He has the pen cap in his mouth. Taiga, in normal conditions, would tell him how disgusting that looks, but he's too busy trying to breathe. Niko glances at him, puzzled.

"No school?"

Taiga shakes his head, tugs on air. The girl seems to understand anyway, because she lets Lark drag her in without any fuss. Come to think about it, she hasn't spoken, hasn't fussed. He has barely even looked at her. He makes himself. He makes himself turn and see her, preparing to swallow disappointment.

The hair's the same, but hers is longer. She is dressed in a thick looking turtleneck and her eyes are big and empty. They are still so empty. Her skin is bruised, like the spots on an apple. She watches him back, or rather, looks to the side of him. Looking will hurt her eyes, he thinks.

Niko lifts his head and pulls Vladimira into his lap. He catches sight of all of that purple. Taiga thinks his breath will catch but instead Niko frowns, puzzled. "Taiga, she's not Mirei."

"I..." Taiga catches himself, face flaming. He feels like a child. He _knows_ that, no one can replace her, especially not a bruised child but even if she isn't those bruises and that silence are scary and telling and isn't that enough for him? "I'm not that desperate," he finishes.

Niko lifts one eyebrow and then looks at Lark, who is still too excited to let go. He looks prepared to argue too.

Taiga swallows. "She appeared out of nowhere like this Niko. The least I could do was bring her somewhere safe, right?"

Niko is quiet. Then something in his drawn face relaxes, and the resemblance to his dad disappears. He isn't sure why he notices it. "Yeah," he agrees. He moves off the bed, Vladimira surprisingly quiet in his grip. Not that she's ever been a particularly loud baby but you'd think with all of the fuss and excitement going on, she'd be clamoring for attention of her own. But instead, she isn't. She's holding on tight and boring into the silent girl's face. She doesn't move, just stares back and that awkward sick feeling comes back in Taiga's stomach.

Niko kneels. "What's your name?"

The girl stares. Her bottom lip starts to shake.

Taiga shivers on the inside and makes the smile come, drudges it up from the abyss that has become his intestines. "It's okay," he says, kneeling himself. "We're not going to hurt you." She is much too small. Was Mirei ever this small? He doesn't think so. She flinches. Her eyes wobble.

Then she starts to sob.

* * *

It takes a good few minutes for them to calm the girl down, a good few minutes more to convince her that the tea is not poisonous and the blanket is fluffy and safe. It had given Niko enough time to put Vladimira down for a nap before she started something and enough for Taiga to call basically everyone.

Lark hasn't left the girl's side even once.

They are curled together on the couch, Madoka asleep next to them like he also belongs in their private tiny circle. He has snuggled against her like he has been doing it all of his life and she seems comfortable enough, if stiff and constantly looking at Taiga. Taiga makes sure to smile every time until she looks away again.

He suddenly realizes how it must have felt for her.

Niko sits beside him at the table. He's quiet, thoughtful. Mama is out, the others have a few hours yet before they come back. Taiga watches them, watches the girl's eyes slip between open and shut, the television light flickering over her face. He can almost pinpoint the second she dozes off and the tea cup thumps softly onto the carpet. She jolts, shakes. He puts a finger to his lips and goes to clean it up. She's shaking again. He presses his hand gently over hers.

"It's okay," he says.

She shakes. "I need to go home."

It's the first words he's heard and their voices are even similar, damn it. "Where's home?" he tries.

She shakes her head and it would be comical if it weren't for the fact that she looks distinctly like a kicked purple puppy. "I was supposed to save him. I promised I would save him and I just made him worse, I made them worse. All I wanted was to say goodbye to, say I loved them, why am I so awful-"

Lark's grip tightened on her arm and she ignored it.

Taiga hesitates. Because he can't project, he is an adult as much as he tries to be and he can't project, he needs to grow up and love what he has and who he has. There are no second chances. But. But but but but but-

"Mirei?" he whispers.

Her eyes, which had been hidden by her child-chubby fingers, her swollen hands, look up at him, bleeding amethyst. "Not anymore."

The dam threatens to break and he can't stand it because it's got to be true, hasn't it? He wants to scream, to scream and shake her and break her so he can pick up the pieces and make the girl he loved again.

"Why?" he says instead. "Why did you do this?"

She looks at him, then at Lark, tears in her eyes. "I'm so _tired,_ Taiga."

* * *

Hours pass.

Her name is Sayo now, apparently. Rina and Akiho both said it and that's a skeleton he doesn't think he can touch. Sayo is still a shaking, trembling mess. She needs to go home, she says, save her friend, save her father, save _everyone_ , and they all hesitate to say that they don't know how to do that without Vitium. She seems to know anyway. She hasn't spoken since the last repeat of those words.

No one knows what to do. So they go about their day, like they normally would. As much as they can anyway.

Except Taiga. He can't sleep.

Akiho is curled pleasantly against his side. Somehow, of all of them, she knows how to make a person relax. Not even sexually. She is good with her voice, good with the simple presence of seeming completely in control. It's not working today, not even with the breeze of the fan.

So he leaves, goes to the couch where Sayo is asleep. Her face is finally relaxed in dreamland, and it makes the scars on her cheeks stand out in the light of the room… wait.

There shouldn't be any light. Taiga steps back, trying to hide.

The light, etheral blue, moves. It forms slow, taking shape with sluggish effort. A tall, muscular man was kneeling at the couch. His dark fingers brush her hair from her face.

"Oh, child," he whispers and Taiga can hear him from across the room in the ringing silence. "You silly thing, you absolute fool. You leave me with nothing but one of your smiles and your painful tackles, what am I going to do with you, my darling?"

The wistful love in his voice is so raw. Taiga wants it for himself and hates that.

The man looks up at him. "This time," he says. "I tried a different path. Please, Let it not end the same way."

Taiga stiffens. "What are you talking about?"

The man laughs. "Love weathers the storm, youngling. But only if it is strong enough to allow it."

Then he is gone, and Taiga is left in the dark.

Like, he realizes, he really always has been.


	8. Childhood

Finally, _finally_ , Sayo relaxes around them.

For some reason, Akiho and Rina don't seem surprised that she's this way, only discouraged. At least that's what it seems like. Rina has buried herself in calculations he can understand once in a great while. Niko tries and manages to figure out what they're for, but he freely admits he has no idea what they actually mean.

Neither do Akiho and Yuuya, but Yuuya suggests "They mean we're going to be kids again." in a way that has them all thinking for a long time.

Taiga muses to himself that they're barely in their twenties. Aren't they still kids?

He supposes not. Not really.

Lark is a bouncy little bean. He clings to Taiga more than usual some days and makes extra effort to be with him and for reasons he can't put to words. Taiga guesses it's so he doesn't forget Lark loves him. How silly. He knows that. He knows.

Looking at Sayo still hurts once a day. But he tries to make her welcome. She's twelve, she tells him, with a mild imperiousness that is his Mirei and also that of a child who is proud of their age. She can chop and prep food and wash and dry and she does it well. The bruises on her face make her olive skin yellow and green as they go down and his own Mama traces them with her fingers, looking that old way again. He tries to cheer her up and she smiles, but it's not the same.

It's the fifth week of this routine and Taiga reaches over, as he does once a day, to pat Sayo's head. He loves her, he does, and for the first time he thinks it's not because Mirei can appear from those eyes but because this little girl really is a little girl. She flinches each time but it's less extreme than it was the day before and he counts that as progress. He has to, god, he has to.

The five of them stay in the bedroom together more often but it's less about se and more about companionship, particularly with Rina scribbling on looseleaf at odd hours. Niko eventually threatens to throw the notebook out the window.

Two months and this is almost normal, almost okay and then Niko's dad comes in abruptly one day while they're all lazy in the living room and says 'I've done it.'

Sayo tenses and Akiho and Rina bounce up. Before anyone can even get any specifics, those two are gone and Sayo is staring after them, rubbing the scar on her lip.

"Aren't you excited?" Niko asks. He's strumming a guitar, a birthday gift from Akiho, who admits to knowing nothing about music other than how to hum a tune. "You're going home."

Sayo looks at him somberly. "Aren't you terrified?" she counters. "You're leaving everything you've ever known."

It's such a strange retort that none of them can answer.

* * *

Nights and nights and days and days. Taiga sees the odd ghost again, watching Sayo while she sleeps. Sometimes he cries and there are crystals of ice left on the floor. She cradles them with care every morning and they never melt.

Taiga swallows his questions and they sit in his gut, making it hard for him to digest anything. He wants to ask but he doesn't want her to answer.

"Mirei?" he says softly when the others aren't home. She doesn't turn but she's listening, a little downtrodden. "You know we're your family, no matter what your name is, don't you?"

There's a long lot of quiet. "Yeah," she finally chokes out. "I know."

Taiga relaxes and releases a breath full of all of the questions in the world. "Good," he says. "Good. I mean, I shouldn't ask, that's rude but I'm glad. You're quiet, you've always been quiet but it's nice you know, you're not like me, you're you and-" He stops, his face burning. "Sorry, Sayo."

"I love you too."

They're the first words Taiga has heard her utter with sincere joy in so long and it hurts so well.

"Yeah," he says. "Yeah.

He'd always known, but still.

* * *

Mama's sold the house. They've packed up their things. The children are pulled from school. Everything seems ready.

The others are willing to leave what they've made, everything they know, for something entirely new.

For Akiho and Rina, it's pretty simple. They never wanted to be here to begin with. Yuuya and Niko would rather be with them than anywhere else. Niko's father is going. His own mother is going.

Taiga is going. For the kid's sake. For Sayo's sake. Her shoulders are shaking. He squeezes one and when she smiles timidly up at him Taiga feels like an adult for real.

Rina is typing quickly, faster than a human normally can. She's murmuring to the machines.

One of the screens freezes. Then another. The sparking electricity dies for a moment. Then it sparks and turns blue. It goes bright, almost blindingly bright. Then it dies down, and numbers tick on screen.

Yakov examines everything one last time. Then he nods.

The others look at Taiga. He swallows. If this goes wrong, they'll die. If this goes wrong, they won't know the truth, any truth.

There's a tug on his hand. Sayo tugs again. The scars are almost invisible in the bright light, the sallowness of her cheeks faded a little.

"Taiga?" Soft, imperious, knowing. Afraid.

He smiles at her. "Yeah. Let's do this."

She does seem to always appear when the world has gotten too peaceful, leads them onto a life-changing adventure.

It's something like destiny, huh?

Lark loops his arms happily around his father's middle as Madoka yawns and Taiga pretends he's calm and collected and not hugely embarrassed. Way for his son to kill the mood.

He closes his eyes and breathes. He smiles and takes a step forward.

And just like that, he's running again. Forward again.

The future awaits them all. And maybe, if he believes a little bit more, he can make it better than what he has.

After all, love has gotten them this far, right?

**Author's Note:**

> Today is torture my friends day. I declare it. The last one before may. Enjoy everyone. Please drop a review if you can. I really appreciate it.
> 
> Challenges: Diversity Writing Challenge I10. a multichap with exactly 8 chapters (and now I have doomed myself), Valentine's Advent day 11. write an alternate ending to one of your stories, Valentine's to White Day Advent 2015 day 11. write about a birthday, marriage, or birth. Or any combination of those, and gameverse boot camp prompt 39. change


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